Two Fridays ago I forgot to check in with my Fit Mommy's Group. I didn't really have anything to say because I sort of fell off the wagon. Then when I forgot to check in, the following week went downhill even further. I have been sliding down the slope of self-pity.
That slope is a slippery mess that tends to snowball on you until you are wallowing in the slime at the bottom with no hope of ever getting back up.
Depressed yet? I was.
I could feel the weight coming back on plus the extra five for that time of month and that makes for a very depressed unFit Mommy. My pants were getting tighter and I could feel the energy draining from my big toes. I was a mess.
Then tonight sitting in the bathtub trying to read my book, the water sloshed over me and it felt wrong. My stomach jiggled and it hit me. This is my fault but it is not hopeless. I am where I am because I have lost focus (again). I let my focus slide from Christ and becoming what He has called me to be-a healthy, physically fit whatever the size individual that loves Him, follows Him, and tells others about Him.
I also focused on the big picture instead of the baby steps. The big picture is a little depressing. I need to lose 50 lbs. That is a lot and seemingly un-doable. I let that stop me from trying. I let it control me.
Tonight, the baby steps came back into focus. Exercising-one day at a time. Control my portion sizes. Drink my water. Doing my Bible Study daily. Getting enough sleep. Those are things I can do, one day at a time.
So, I am going to bed tonight happy. I did my workout while Steven and the girls were at Bible Study. While I was sitting in my bath, God was prompting me to get out and workout. I knew that I would be even more unhappy with myself if I didn't. So I did.
It feels good. Tomorrow I will continue with those baby steps and pretty soon there will be progress to see and feel.