say what?

I haven't posted here in I don't know how long.

 

I.am.a.failure.

 

But then again, I'm not.

 

I started on THM-Trim Healthy Mama and am doing pretty well. I have lost 21 pounds and am down from a size 14 to an 8. I feel great and my thyroid and calcium are in the normal range now!

 

I have more to go but am on the right track and I am not stopping now.

 

Can you say, "Give up?"

Oh I can.  I have.  I did.

I gave up as you can see from the non posting for the last year.  I gave up on many different things but most especially on losing weight.  Oh, there was a push in January for about 4 weeks and I did lose some weight but it didn't last.  There were several attempts throughout the year but they all failed.

Why?

Because I am lazy.  I really am.  I want things handed to me on a platter.  I don't want to have to work for them.  I took for granted the years of being skinny and thought it would always be that way.  now, I can't seem to change my mindset and see that I am the fat girl now.

In my mind I am still a size 6 not a 12.  I am still skinny not fat with rolls on my tummy.  I can still wear all the clothes I want to-in my mind-and I don't struggle with my confidence.

but then I look in a mirror and I am faced with reality.  But it doesn't affect me enough to make changes.

Because I am lazy.

I need to change that.  Desperately.

I need to change that for my kids so they don't learn to be lazy and expect to get the things they want.  ugh  I just want to be skinny again.  :(

*embarrassed*

Did I say that I was back on the wagon?

I guess I only thought I was.  :(

I got in a pretty bad funk with my eating, exercise, and thoughts.  It was kind of ugly.  I wasn't very easy to be around. 

I hate it when I let Satan win like that.  He plants doubts and seeds of discontent and I let them fester and take root.  I know better.  Christ does not want that for my life.  He wants victory for me.  He wants me to have freedom and peace.

I want my life and body to be perfect.

Those two are probably never going to be joined in the way I want them to be. 

I am once again starting Couch to 5k and using My Fitness Pal.  I am taking my body as it is and accepting me.  Do I like the way I look?  Nope.  Am I going to change it?  I certainly hope so.  But, I am going to focus on my heart and my health.    (again)

yeah, I get off the wagon and on the wagon a lot but I'm a sinful beast that struggles daily with motivation and perseverance.  I want things to be perfect but am unwilling to do the work to get them there.  bleh that tasted bitter just to say it.  But, it's the truth.  Not one I'm proud of but the truth none-the-less. 

So, tomorrow I will be on Day 3 of Week 1, again.  This time it is going better.  I can really tell that I have progressed, even if only a little.  It makes me feel better! lol

Back on the wagon

This morning I started the Couch to 5k over.  It was so hard!  I haven't run for almost three weeks and I can really tell. 

But I did it.

I am doing it again tomorrow so I can get in the groove again.

I need this.

so I am doing it.

Another new beginning

I am starting the Couch to 5k over.  Now that I know that I have exercise induced asthma I can proactively do something about it.  And I will.

I am starting over bc I need to build up more endurance and to work my lungs more w/o putting too much stress on them.

So, I am starting tomorrow with Day 1 Week 1.  I am going to start using MyFitnessPal again.

And I am going to be happy with my life.  :)

not a good week

The week starts on Sunday around here.  That's just what I think is the beginning of the week. 

Anyway...

Sunday night our 6yo fell and hurt her arm.

Monday morning I took her to minor emergency and found out that she broke her arm right up by her elbow. 

Niice.

She is in a half-cast until next week because the swelling was too much to cast it.

She has been in pain all week and frankly quite cranky and whiney.  yeah, I know she has reason but it has made for a long week.

Add on to that all the baking that my 12yo needed to do for Christmas and the freak out session I had trying to find presents at this late date and you get...

No exercise this week.  :(

I did watch my food and water but am feeling sluggish from not working out in any way. 

ugh.

Another week...

This week, well what can I say?  I have not exercised like I wanted to.  My running partner has been sick and in case you didn't know this-it is COLD in Kansas in December!  It has been under 32* every morning and that is just too cold to run in.

I do have a treadmill but I find it hard to run in there and my dd just won't come in there and sit while I run.  Go figure!

But, I have watched what I ate and done very well.  I also have been drinking a lot of water which is proven by the frequent trips to the restroom!

I have spent the week cleaning and working up a sweat by doing it.  :-)  I am feeling better and healthier and can't wait to get even healthier-i.e. smaller sizes and lower numbers on the scale.  lol

Don't forget to head on over to Mrs. White's blog The Legacy of Home and check out all the other great journeys to better health.